Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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