i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
