Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
