She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
