I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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