there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
