i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize