question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
