Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
