dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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