garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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