I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
