i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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