Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
