I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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