your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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