i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
