I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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