Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
