my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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