Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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