put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I came so hard my ears popped.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
