Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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