Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
