He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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