Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
