She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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