I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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