I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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