when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
