CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
