he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
