Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
