I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i think my cat just said my name.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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