glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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