My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
