Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
