Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
