what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
