You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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