it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
try to milk me bitch
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
