I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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