On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
