I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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