my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
