I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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