yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Are my feet made of real feet?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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