He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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