I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
