he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
