Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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