Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize