david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
