I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize