how can u be prego again
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Girls should come with a carfax report
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
