Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
