I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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