I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
