some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
