I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.