am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.