i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
