man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
