need another drink. this is the easiest way
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
