I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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