I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The power of my boobs compel you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
