Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
